Life is So Hard When You Can't Find Your Ball

"Milo Meets Santa"


SANTA: So what would you like for Christmas, Milo?

MILO: Some balls.

SANTA: Didn't I give you balls last Christmas, Milo?

MILO: Yes. Nice balls. I need MORE balls, Santa.

SANTA: And why is that, Milo?

MILO: Because I only have a few balls.

SANTA: I think you have more than a few balls, Milo.

MILO: No, I only have 3 or 4, Santa. Really.

SANTA: Are you sure, Milo?

MILO: Well, maybe I have a few more. I'm a dog, Santa . I can't count too well.

SANTA: Ok, what kind of ball would you like for Christmas, Milo?

MILO: BALLS, Santa....

SANTA: Ok, Milo, what kind of balls?

MILO: Well, first, I need 4 new tennis balls. One for upstairs, and another for upstairs, so when I get it good and squishy, mom will have another one to throw for me, and one for downstairs and another for downstairs for when that one gets squishy, and two for the deck outside, and two more, one for when it goes behind the refrigerator and another for when it gets caught under the couch, and one for when it goes in the toilet, and two for when...

SANTA: Whoa, Milo! I thought you said 4 balls?

MILO: I meant 12, Santa.

SANTA: And I suppose you would like me to bring your Mom & Dad balls for Christmas too, Milo?

MILO: That would be nice, Santa. See, Mom really likes balls. She'd play all day if I let her. All I have to do is whine for 10 or 20 minutes or so, and she yells, "Ok,ok, bring the damn ball to me." Then she throws it and throws it. She just loves to play...even when she's on the phone, or even when I bring it to her when she's on the toilet. And dad too! He always says something like, "Milo, stop bothering me! GO AWAY..Go lie down...God! Get that wet beard off of my good pants, DAMN IT.....GO AWAY....G'GO FIND YOUR TENNIS BALL!" He always asks me 'cuz he loves to play, too. Then he throws it and throws it! Even when they're in bed at night wrestling, I just bring the ball right up there and drop it on Mom's back, and she yells...

SANTA: You know, Milo, Santa thinks you're a pretty lucky Bouvier.

MILO: Yeah, I know, Santa. My Mom & Dad really love me.......

.......but I also need a new hockey ball, and my soft ball has a hole and...

Santa brought Milo some nice new balls and a 1 years prescription for Prozac.


Pictures of Milo (Part 1)

Pictures of Milo (Part 2)

Pictures of Milo (Part 3)

Pictures of Milo (Part 4)

The Famous Milo Stories

"Ball-Drive Pergatory"

"It's 7:00 AM. Walkies!"

"Milo Meets Santa"

"Bath Time for Milo"

"I Really Could Make Money..if.."

"How NOT to Train Your Dog"

"Milo. 8 Weeks Old. A Flashback"

"Milo Moves to Tucson, Arizona"