STORIES
#8
STORIES #8STORIES
#8
| Life is So Hard When You Can't Find Your Ball |
"Milo Moves To Tucson, Arizona."
No more cramped condo living in Boston! No more snow! No more icky, cold, cloudy days!
Mom, Dad & Milo are moving to the Desert Southwest, and have been on the road for 3 days now...
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MOM: You know, you shouldn't have barked so violently at that nice man at the last gas station, Milo.
MILO: I didn't like his mustache, Mom. It was wierd.
MOM: That's your reason, Milo?
MILO: Well, I didn't like his glasses either. Or his hat. Plus his clothes smelled like an old moldy car seat.
MOM: Milo...
MILO: Well, THEY DID! He also smelled like stale cigarettes, hair grease, and his body odor had a sweaty, sickeningly sweet, yet somewhat bitter smell, slightly remeniscent of a rotten...
MOM: OK, OK, that's enough - your gonna make me lose my lunch right here in the car!
MILO: That's kinda how I felt, Mom. Now you see why I didn't like him? Ugh, and his socks smelled really, really, REEEAAALLY...
MOM: ENOUGH, MILO!
MILO: Hey, Mom...?
MOM: Yes, Milo?
MILO: We've kinda been on the road for a long time, haven't we? I'm getting a little nauseous.
MOM: I know, Milo, we've been on the road for 3-1/2 days, but you're probably nauseous because you ate that bar of soap in the hotel room this morning. Why did you do that, Milo??
MILO: I'm not exactly sure, Mom. It didn't seem like a bad idea at the time. Although, in retrospect...
MOM: Anyway, hang on, we're almost at our destination. I told you we'd have a big surprise for you! Well, here it is! We're all moving to a NEW house in a NEW city and state - Tucson, Arizona, right smack in the beautiful desert Southwest! And, we're gonna have a huge yard for you and a big swimming pool, and a big, big house!!
MILO: Wow! That sounds awesome! I LLLUUVVV YOU, Mom!!!! (Milo gives Mom a big lick)
MILO: Mom, what's a "swimming pool?"
MOM: Well, it's like a big, big, biiiiigggg bathtub!
MILO: And...how is that a good thing????
MOM: You'll see. You'll love it. Plus, there will be lots of new and different animals and desert smells! Trust me. You'll be soooo happy.
MILO: "Trust me?" Isn't that what you said when you took me to the vet last week to get nose drops for kennel cough?!! AAAGGGGHHHH I HATE THAT!!!!
MOM: Yes, well, the 6 people trying to pin you to the floor to get the drops in weren't so thrilled about it either...
The car pulls up to the new house. Mom opens the door and Milo jumps out. Milo races around and around and around, smelling all the new things and finally settling down a bit, panting heavily, his tongue practically touching the ground.
MOM: Well, Milo? What'd ya think?
MILO: ...a tad warm, isn't it?
MOM: Well, yes. It's 106 degrees, but it's a dry heat. You'll need to learn to pace yourself.
MILO: Yeah, right!!! PACE myself?? Hahahahaha!!!! Hellooo....this is MIIILLLOOO you are talking to, remember?????
MOM: Yes, I know Milo, but it's over 100 degrees here for 4 months of the year.
MILO: Yeah, well, THIS tough guy can take it, Mom. Wow, look at that big stick! And it's MOVING!!
Milo races toward the "moving stick."
MOM: NO, MILO!!! That's a rattlesnake!! Leave it!!! POISON!!
MILO: Ok, Ok! Hey, there's a doggie! A friend to play with!
MOM: NO, MILO, that's a Coyote! Leave it.
MILO: If you say so, Mom. Looks like a doggie to me. Whoah! There's a BIG pussycat! Lemme get it! Lemme get it!!!
MOM: No, NO!! That's a Cougar, Milo!
MILO: Cougar? How about that smaller kitty????
MOM: Bobcat, Milo. Leave it. She doesn't want to play with you.
MILO: GEEEZZZ!!! This is no fun. How about that little bug with the funny tail?
MOM: Scorpion....no.
MILO: The fuzzy little spider?
MOM: NO! Tarrantula!!!
MILO: YIKES!! Well, how about the birdie?
MOM: Vulture. And stay away from that bee hive. Those are killer bees.
MILO: Um...the pretty lizard?
MOM: Gila monster! Dangerous.
MILO: Hey, you said I'd have fun here! Isn't there anything I can play with?? The rabbits! I know I can chase those, huh Mom, please, please ....or are they friggin' killer bunnies??
MOM: Let me show you the pool, Milo.
They go in the back yard. Mom jumps
in with all her clothes on. Dad jumps in too. Horrified at seeing Mom and
Dad in the water without him, Milo leaps in, sinks to the bottom, and in
about 30 seconds, (with the help of a tennis ball floating on the surface),
Milo recovers, and quickly learns to swim and fetch the ball in the water.
Milo now spends every day sitting
neck deep on the pool steps, waiting for Mom or Dad to come out and play
with him in the water. He learns to respect the many desert animals from
a distance. He never minds the heat. He never learns to pace himself - after
all, he IS Milo. Milo is happy in the desert.
Of course, there was that cactus incident....
"I Really Could Make Money..if.."
"Milo. 8 Weeks Old. A Flashback"
"Milo Moves to Tucson, Arizona"
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